i did a crappy job at work today, and newsarma's got a SHITLOAD of x-book solicitations up because its the start of that reload nonsense, so...

everyone's treating this story like a NEWS LEAK or newsarama's talking about the "EMBARGO" Being over. like ... YOU'RE NOT REAL REPORTERS. YOU ARE THE VERY OPPOSITE OF REAL REPORTERS. ITS ONLY AN EMBARGO OR A LEAK IF YOU WERE ANYTHING MORE THAN PR DEPOTS, WHICH YOU'RE NOT. and that's fine - i don't think mainstream comics NEEDS fucking journalists. but ... how much of a Campaign of Silence did they really need to wage???

let's see...

ASTONISHING X-MEN #1
Written by JOSS WHEDON
Pencils & Cover by JOHN CASSADAY
"GIFTED" pt. 1 (of 6)
Dream-team creators JOSS WHEDON (creator of TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and JOHN CASSADAY (Planetary, CAPTAIN AMERICA) bring you the explosive #1 issue of the all-new flagship X-Men series! As part of X-MEN: RELOAD, this issue marks a return to classic greatness and the beginning of a brand-new era for the X-Men.

Wow: its a Dream-team for the classic flagship that's beginning a all-new brand-new era of explosive greatness? how nice.

UNCANNY X-MEN #444
Written by Chris Claremont
Pencils & Cover by Alan Davis
"THE END OF HISTORY" pt. 1 (of 4)
Beloved X-Men creators CHRIS CLAREMONT and ALAN DAVIS return to the series that started it all! New alliances are forged as old friendships are rekindled, but one thing is certain: The X-Men will never be the same!

Beloved? Alan Davis gets petted by middle-aged fanboys if he's ever caught in public. they just gently stroke his belly until he falls asleep. beloved?

The X-Men will NEVER BE THE SAME!!!

X-MEN #157
Written by Chuck Austen
Pencils & Cover by Salvador Larroca
"DAY OF THE ATOM" pt. 1 (of 4)
UNCANNY X-MEN scribe CHUCK AUSTEN moves to X-MEN (formerly NEW X-MEN) to team up with new regular artist SALVADOR LARROCA as part of X-MEN: RELOAD!

DAY OF THE ATOM! that's sure to excite fans of bad 1950's movies.

You know what he could do to get me to buy this: have a guy in a gorilla costume and a diving helmet running around in it. you know, Ro-Man the Roman? like, if Austen were just get fed up and just said "you thought you were reading shitty comics BEFORE, BITCH?" and just have- not even a giant monkey as a character who's EXPLICITELY a guy in a monkey costume, just running around hitting people, and like ... having lots of that Chuck Austen sex. i'd buy that. then he too would be beloved.

New X-Men: Academy X #1
Written by NUNZIO DEFILIPPIS & Christina Weir
Pencils & Cover by RandY Green
"CHOOSING SIDES" pt. 1 (of 5)
For the young mutants at the Xavier Institute, life will never be the same! The children at the X-Mansion thought they had it tough when Professor X was running things – but now that X-Men Cyclops and Emma Frost have taken over the reins of the school, they're wishing for the simpler times of yesterday! Codenames, school-issued uniforms and mandatory training sessions in the Danger Room are just a few of the changes being implemented around the Institute – but when the entire student body is forced to divide itself up into small squads and "choose sides," Xavier's will never be the same again!

Academy X??? does that sound like a good title to ... anyone? dude, i remember this plot- this is the B.R.A.T. Patrol, a little seen Disney movie set at a military school, from the late 1980's. I LOVED that shit.

I know Defillipi and Weir have Oni behind them, but are they any good? i read one issue of skinwalker- it wasn't anything, and i read maria's wedding, which was pretty much useless despite some pretty great art. i don't know. at BEST, they seemed largely unremarkable. i mean, i guess they stand out nicely amongst the austen dream-team, though... at least they try to do good comics, i suppose...

Xavier's will never be the same again, now that it's identical to the Louise Simonson-Bret Blevins run! BRING ON THE BIRD BOY!!!(which i might add was cooler in that the headmaster was MAGNETO and not lame fucking cyclops)

EXCALIBUR #1 & #2
Written by Chris Claremont
Penciled by Igor Kordey
Covers by ANDY PARK
"FORGING THE SWORD" pts. 1 & 2
The island of Genosha was once a thriving nation of mutants, built from the ground up by Magneto, the mutant Master of Magnetism. Then, one day, an apocalyptic attack killed every man, woman and child, and reduced an entire society to rubble within hours. Now, Professor Charles Xavier – legendary founder of the X-Men, and the man who dreams of peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants – has come to Genosha with one intention: to rebuild a nation from its ashes. This brand-new X-MEN: RELOAD series features stories and art from the creative team that brought you X-TREME X-MEN!

Nation-building comics? between this and that secret wars comic, marvel really has loved that war on terrorism. oh well, some attempt at relevance is nice.

And magneto built genosha? i'd never heard that bit. it was always just sort of ... there.

when i heard they were bringing back excaliber i thought it'd be, you know, captain britain and his Retard Girlfriend. why did captain britain date a retarded girl??? she was retarded right, but she had a huge tits- was that the idea? i have a distinct memory of her having had some sort of developmental disorder - maybe she just had down syndrome.

and the worst character was Rachel, the ... future son of cyclops and phoenix who was herself phoenix who then travelled back through time to a time when her mom was dead, and she shouldn't exist? i remember i'd read maybe ... i'd read x-men for like three or four years without knowing about that character, and when i found out about her, i was SO confused...

The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: X-Men 2004
Featuring extensive diagrams and maps of the new X-Men

I don't want to keep reading this paragraph.

DISTRICT X #1
Written by David Hine
Penciled by David Yardin
Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
"MR. M" pt. 1 (of 6)
A new MARVEL KNIGHTS series! Welcome to Mutant Town, the dark corner of New York City where the long arm of the law has been severed clean. Here, the mutant population doesn’t sport GQ style or champagne dreams. They eke out each day in squalid tenement rows and filthy streets where only one man and one law can be trusted: the X-Man Bishop.

A bunch of people you've never heard of(Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN!!! he's the dreamiest! but i hear david hine's the "bad boy" of the x-office- he wears a bandana and everything...) doing a character you WISH you never heard of.

why is marvel so obsessed with mutant slums? First, nyx or demo or whatever you want to call it, and the brotherhood, and this thing...

welcome to mutant town? it sounds like the beginning of a newsreel...

EXILES #46 & #47
Written by Tony Bedard
Pencils & Covers by Mizuki Sakakibara
"EARN YOUR WINGS" pts. 1 & 2 (of 3)
There’s no rest for the weary when there are realities to save! After the devastating events of their last mission, the Exiles hope for a little downtime, only to find themselves ’ported directly into a none-too-friendly reception from the regular Marvel Universe! This X-MEN: RELOAD issue is a perfect jumping-on point, featuring the debut of new writer TONY BEDARD (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Negation) and the promotion of EXILES cover artist MIZUKI SAKAKIBARA to regular artist! Guest-starring the Fantastic Four and Beak from NEW-X-MEN!

Wasn't that the girl they fired from Namor? Does that say guest-starring BEAK??? This is like that tv show Sliders, only without the charm of Jerry O'Connel, right?

now, crossgen is done and all its horribly, horribly untalented creators will return to other companies... super...

WEAPON X #23 & #24
Written by Frank Tieri
Penciled by TOM MANDRAKE
Covers by ANDY PARK
"WAR OF THE PROGRAMS" pts. 1 & 2 (of 3)
Featuring WOLVERINE and FANTOMEX! Writer FRANK TIERI and new regular artist TOM MANDRAKE take WEAPON X in an exciting new direction! What is the Weapon X Program? What is its relationship to the shadowy past of the most famous X-Man, Wolverine? And what did Wolverine recently learn about himself that threatens to destroy everything he believes in? Guest-starring FANTOMEX, these X-MEN: RELOAD issues serve as a great jumping-on point! Featuring covers by Tomb Raider artist Andy Park!

War of the Programs? how many X books are there- there's District X, Weapon X, Academy X- remember when it was X-SOMETHING?

when are they going to bring back Boom Boom or Artie or Leech(the X-Cutioners) or...

they should bring back X-Factor only REAL. just a bunch of humans that run around killing mutants? that should totally be a comic. x-factor had such a good premise and then was just so relentlessly lame about it...

and good god,they're really handing off MORRISON-era revelations for frank tieri to follow-up on?? uhhh? i was hoping morrison'd handle all that shit before he was out, but...

MYSTIQUE #14 & #15
Written by Sean McKeever
Penciled by MANUEL GARCIA
Covers by Mike Mayhew

Who cares...

ALPHA FLIGHT #3
Written by Scott Lobdell
Pencils & Cover by Clayton Henry
"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN’ ME" pt. 3 (of 6)
The All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight -- led by everyone’s favorite Chewbacca look-alike, Sasquatch -- unites to tackle the menace of the Plodex. But will Canada’s newest, hippest fighting force be able to save their maple-leaf-clad forefathers in time? Could this be -- gasp! -- the end of Puck, the Killer
Canuck?
32 PGS./MARVEL PSR …$2.99
UPC: 5960605518-00311

I love this so much.

Its like the solicitation copy is SARCASTIC. "Chewbacca look-alike?" "Canad's Newest, hippest" anything is HILARIOUS. "Maple-leaf-clad forefathers"... WHAT???

What is a Plodex?

"GASP!"

Scott Lobdell writing a comic titled "You Gotta Be Kiddin Me" is like some sort of Charlie Kaufman looking-glass comedy revelation.

awesome.

EMMA FROST #11
Written by Karl Bollers
Penciled by Carlo Pagulayan
Cover by GREG HORN
"MIND GAMES" pt. 5 (of 6)
Emma Frost has freed herself from her overbearing father, but now she’s on her own and in over her head with the Boston mob! Her developing mutant powers have barely saved her so far, but how will she escape mob custody with nowhere to run?

How will she escape mob custody? I'm not sure, but i'm guessing the answer will involve enormous melon tits.

CABLE/DEADPOOL #3
Written by Fabian Nicieza
Penciled by Mark Brooks
Cover by Rob Liefeld
"IF LOOKS COULD KILL" pt. 3 (of 6)
The One World Church has a lovely message of eliminating all that divides us to bring about a glorious global unity. All they want is to love you till you're blue in the face -- literally! Will Cable and Deadpool allow themselves to be recruited, or will they go ballistic?

... or will they go ballistic? are you enjoying these as much as i am? rob liefeld drawing a cover for a comic titled "If Looks Could Kill"?

ULTIMATE X-MEN #45
Written by Brian michael Bendis
Pencils & Cover by David Finch
The last part of "NEW MUTANTS" sees a final battle between the X-Men and the Sentinels in the heart of Washington, D.C. How will the not-so-merry mutants deal with the awful aftermath?

By talking incessantly?

what else is going on...

"What if, to speak to the 100,000 or so people who visit comics stores regularly, you have to do a cover version? Nothing wrong with that, per se

AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH...

what else...

expensive week: i guess i'm leaning towards buying mouflon, jack staff, and daredevil this week. i'm debating dropping new frontier today. i don't know- i woke up this morning just thinking "i don't need that." not until i hear if there's a story or not. then again, god, its a nice looking comic. the art does it for me... i don't know. expensive week for me, and i'm sure not getting it this week any which way...

http://newsarama.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=9292
stuart moore- unusually retarded this week... "If you like Sleeper or Spider-Girl, the best thing to do is to tell people how great it is and why -- not to try and trick the company into thinking it can make a fortune off the book if only it would publish the thing in manga-size paperbacks. The company knows whether it’s making money or not, and in this changing market, any book with buzz is a good candidate for a trade paperback or an experimental format anyway."

what a load of fucking horseshit. where do you even start? what an INCREDIBLE load of fucking horseshit:

people were telling them to do those things- cheap accessible mass-market books for different audiences- for YEARS and they DIDN'T, they refused to, they said "We know how to make money and you don't, quit trying to be insiders." and it was only until someone at tokyopop decided that they WOULD do those things, and started CRUSHING THEM businesswise, that they're even considering it, and i might add, STILL FAILING MISERABLY. i mean, i usually think he's a SHARP guy, so am i missing his point??? i must be missing his point.

and could someone explain how his heroe's world example proves his point because it seems like it proves the opposite: all the former owners ACTUALLY DID care only about money, and they DID loot the company, and they DID wreck the market.

does anyone get his point there???

and then mark waid's got some great insight into the marketing of Titanic because he writes X-O Manowar comics so he really gets it? what? i love this thought that getting a paycheck somehow really gives you a perspective FAR ABOVE the common man and his petty concerns...

and they advertised titanic that way because any other way would be RETARDED: it wasn't the most popular movie of all time because gone with the wind was MUCH more popular, and noone in their right mind would DARE market it as the best movie of all time. highest grossing is an impressive fact, not a sign of some "insider-itis." please. spare me mark waid's pop psychology...

i mean, he might be vaguely right about... SOMETHING if the product was real successful and everyone was really good at their jobs and professional and savvy and oriented towards making the product successful and lucrative. but wait, i thought he was talking about COMIC BOOKS.

"People aren’t in movies for the money, either. They may be in it for pure reasons like love of cinema, artistic adventurousness, and the desire to see their dreams made flesh onscreen. They may have more base motives, like sunny weather, expense account lunches, the thrill of gambling with million-dollar budgets, and the possibility of nailing desperate young actresses. But it’s not the money."

The more accurate statement is "People aren't in movies JUST for the money." if you're successful, the money's not bad, actually. here's a little proof that i'm right and he's wrong: if they weren't in it for the money, they wouldn't all have entertainment lawyers and be suing each other CONSTANTLY. i have a job; therefore, someone out there APPARENTLY DOES like money. and in fact, there's a number of people who are in it JUST for the money, but regardless... that's hopefully not true of comics because... that'd be pretty sad.

"i'm in comics for the MONEY" ... that just sounds funny...

or look at this from the comment section:

I'm not discounting the issue you bring up; in fact, it's one of the core arguments of my entire series of columns. As the number of entertainment choices increases, the audience for each individual one goes down. THAT'S the main reason for the decline in comics circulations over the years, especially when you look at comics as competing directly with TV, DVDs, games, etc.

... i guess he's been reading different comics from the ones i have. huh. yeah, but for those pesky dvd's, everyone would be kicking back with an Astronauts in Trouble book? sure. i bet.

load of horseshit.
-abhay